The Turn of a Page
by singingsiren101
Summary: I was writing a story called A New Chapter, but I decided I wanted to go back and rewrite it with more detail, emotion, and internal monologue. This a revamp/expansion of that story, which wasn't finished anyway. Damon Elena, starting from Stefan leaving with Klaus after getting the cure for Damon. No flip-flopping or drawn-out angst. Rated M for things to come in the future.
1. Chapter 1

I try to move lightly over the soggy ground, pulling my black stiletto heels up from the grass with each step. I'm not sure why I decided to put any extra effort into my outfit tonight. Not sure why it mattered when I was just going to meet Damon.

Just Damon…

I try to ignore the lift in my chest when I think his name. The way my heart flutters a little. The way my burdens seem minutely lighter. A little's enough.

I haven't heard from Stefan in weeks. He's the Ripper now, bringing death and destruction to everything and everyone in his path. From what I've heard and briefly seen, when he's on human blood, he is ruthless and unshakeable, and even if he could change back, it would never be the same. He would never be the same. And it's not because of the terrible things he's done. Lord knows Damon, Caroline, Tyler, and even Alaric have done some terrible things of their own. No, I'm not punishing him for his decisions. I know we all have to make them.

I'd like to think I'm not punishing him at all, but undoubtedly, he wouldn't agree. I just can't be with him in the same way anymore. I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes and see the same man I fell in love with in high school. Even if the decision to join Klaus was fueled by his unending brotherly love for Damon, it changed things beyond repair, and I can't look past it. Deep down, I know it's not right to expect a man to choose a girl over family, but I guess I had still held onto some hope. Now that he actually made the decision to abandon me for Damon's life, things are different.

So it's all history now, Stefan and I. And now I find myself walking towards the one thing I've always resisted with as much strength as I could find. But my strength seems to be waning these days. With Stefan gone, I have more time and energy to focus on the friendship Damon and I have been building in the last year. More time to analyze the undeniable pull he has always had on me, even in the beginning. I remember that first meeting in the foyer of the boarding house, when he smiled so cocky and actually kissed the back of my hand. I still remember that even though part of me wanted to laugh in his face, the other part of me was completely intrigued by his handsome face, his muscles flexing underneath his t-shirt, those piercing blue eyes and the way he looked at me. I felt like I already knew him even in that first moment, and it's been impossible for me to keep my distance from him ever since.. When we were spending days together searching for Stefan, there was definitely some frustration from our friends. They didn't really approve of how close we were, but now that Stefan is out of the picture completely, everyone seems to realize how much Damon and I need each other. He's more than just my ex-boyfriend's brother. He's my friend now, too.

And really, he's more than a friend. I don't know when it started or how, but I don't just want Damon in my life anymore, I need him there. He's been a source of strength and hope for me, even in his darker days. Even when he refused to admit that there was anything good in him, he was good to me. The problem is that I just recently realized how deeply I care for him, and it's the worst timing. It's not just about me losing Stefan. Damon lost a brother and almost lost his own life. Before, I thought it was all physical. Damon is obviously sexy. And unnaturally handsome. Every part of me feels that physical attraction when we're close. But something has been changing for a while now.

Yes, in the past, there have been moments that were borderline-or completely-inappropriate. That certain way he's always looked at me and the way he'll reach out to gently touch my face when I need comfort, and I let him. The way he has always stepped in between me and any sign of danger, protecting me like a priceless treasure, and I let him. The way he flirts and smirks and eyebrow-wiggles at me, and I let him. The way I kissed him softly on his supposed death bed, allowing all of the walls I had built up to slowly crumble down around us, leaving only our aching, vulnerable hearts, and he let me...

But since that night, things have shifted. I've known for a while that Damon's feelings for me run deep. I know I'm not Katherine, and that he will never see me as her. I know he has always wanted me to love him the way he loves me. But there's always been safety in Stefan. Even if I was willing to admit my feelings for Damon, everyone knows I would be too honorable to leave Stefan for someone else, let alone his own brother. But now that Stefan is gone, the pull of the tension between Damon and I is stronger than ever. Still, somehow, knowing that we could, at any moment, give into our feelings for each other doesn't make it any easier. I've always had a guilt complex, and even knowing that Stefan willingly chose to leave me behind, unprotected, except for his brother who is in love with me...I would just be betraying Stefan to let Damon in, wouldn't I? I mean, is there a time frame for how soon you should wait before you get together with your ex-boyfriend's brother once said ex-boyfriend has abandoned you to run off with his hybrid master to rule the world in a haze of rage and blood?

Honestly, part of me expected Damon to make his move as soon as Stefan skipped town. He already told me on his death bed that he loves me, and he's told me countless other times before, without words. I thought he would jump at the chance to remind me of that kiss and try to convince me to be with him. Instead, I've felt him pulling back recently. I don't want to lose him, even if I'm not entirely sure how to move forward from here. So when he asked me to meet him at the cemetery, I agreed without complaint or question.

I walk past the headstones, letting my fingertips brush across the smooth rock. I weave in and out, skimming the names and dates, refusing to think about the fact that each name really used to be an entire life filled with purpose and love. It hurts too much to think of them as people who left behind lives and families. Of course, I find myself standing in front of the Gilbert plot. The pain and grief of losing them doesn't make me want to see my family any less. I kneel on the ground and skim the names. Grayson, Miranda, Jenna, John. Tears come to my eyes, but I still find myself smiling. Even though it's a reminder that they're gone, being here brings me more peace than it does grief.

I stand and brush the dried leaves off of my jeans. I try to wipe away my tears carefully, without disturbing the makeup I have on. Which only reminds of how ridiculous I'm being, getting dressed up and trying to look pretty for Damon. Maybe I'm farther down this hole than I had realized.

I smell Damon on the wind before I see or hear him. Rich leather, bourbon, and mahogany. It brings me more comfort than I want to admit, and I feel calmer with him near. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, settling myself before I acknowledge him. Our friendship lately hasn't been rocky, but it hasn't been a clear path either. There's a heaviness around us all the time, it seems. Part of me is very afraid that he asked me to come here tonight intending to put some distance in between us. Maybe he's unwilling or unable to wait any longer for my heart to catch up to his. However, that thought is swept away when he appears next to me and places a soft kiss on my cheek and puts his hand on my arm quickly before taking a small step back. I smile at the feel of it and turn to greet him,

"Damon," I breathe out. "What are we doing here?"

"Well, I figured you could use a distraction-"

"So you brought me to the gravesite of my dead family?" I interject. " Seems a bit insensitive to me." I smirk at him so he knows I'm only teasing him. I know him well enough by now to know he's not that callous.

"If you would let me finish," he says, with that look, that twinkle in his eyes that I suspect is reserved for me, "I wanted to propose a trip. A getaway, if you will. But I didn't want to take you away without letting you say a little farewell to your family. So," he spreads his arm over the space where my family lies, "here we are."

"A trip? Is that really the best idea?" I'm not sure how to feel. On the one hand, being alone with Damon is what brings me the most comfort these days. He and I can sit in silence and be perfectly happy. In reality, that's all we've done for the last month. We sit at the boarding house. We sit in my bedroom. We sit at the park outside of Mystic Falls High School. Sometimes we talk, but mostly we're just there, alone together. But somehow Mystic Falls itself has formed this bubble over us. Suddenly, I realize that's what I'm afraid of. Even with Stefan gone, the presence of our friends and the familiarity of our hometown has kept us from sharing even one special moment, anything beyond compatible silence. So what happens when that bubble is gone? If we leave the town that's so dangerous yet so safe will things stay the same?

"Of course," he breaks me from my thoughts, "you can decline if you want. I was, however, hoping you would have some faith in me." He steps closer and puts his hands on my shoulders, giving me a little shake, like he's trying to push me into seeing things his way. "It's been a tough year, and I think it's time for a different kind of excitement. Plus, there are so many wonderful things in this world that you've never seen," he smirks, "and I would love to be the one to show you."

I blush, thinking about the things of this life that I want him to show me. Suddenly, I'm too nervous to keep eye contact anymore. I break away from his light hold and take a few steps toward the headstones of my family. Would they approve? Or would they ground me forever before letting me go on a road trip with an older man, especially one like Damon? I briefly wish that my mom or Jenna were here so that I could ask them, but I know that this is my time. There's no one left who can tell me how to live. No one to stop me from doing exactly what I want. So I know what I'm going to do.

"You know what, Damon? You're right." I turn and look into his eyes again. I can't pretend I'm not excited to get away with him and see what will happen next. "It's time for a change. I say yes, let's do it"

And I'll be damned if his face doesn't light up like he just saw the sun for the first time. I've never seen him actually smile like this before. It's beautiful.

"Fantastic! We'll leave in the morning. Pack enough for the summer. School is out, and I'm claiming the next 3 months of your life for my own," he shines with that wonderful smile still stuck on his face. I wonder if he really thought I might say no. Maybe I haven't been as obvious as I thought. I assumed that he knew I was falling for him since I spent more time with him than anyone else. Hell, he even drives me to school and picks me up at the end of the day. He's my best friend, and he's all I have to keep my strong right now. I let that thought distract me from the fact that he just weaseled three whole months of my life from me. How can I be mad in the face of that smile?


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reading/favorit-ing/following this story! I'm really happy that I chose to go back and expand on everything. When I first started the story, I was so filled with ideas and plotlines and I wanted to write like other fanfics I had read. But looking back, I realized it really wasn't how I would write. I'm a little more wordy ;) so if you liked the other version, I'm sorry to have dropped that. If you're still with me or new, thanks for reading!**

* * *

It's easier than I could have imagined to get everyone on board with me leaving on an extended trip with Damon. Jeremy and Bonnie are tied up in each other, still reeling from his recent death and resurrection. I don't think they've been apart for more than an hour since the night that Liz shot him and Bonnie saved him, and their only concern is each other. I'm not surprised, though, since the biggest thing I've learned in the last few years is that grief and pain seem to bind all of us closer and closer, and I'm glad they have each other. Caroline was no less than appalled that I was leaving, but she got over it within a couple of minutes. I know she still doesn't particularly care for Damon, but I suspect that she also knows I've had feelings for him for a while. I guess she's giving me time to figure it out. And then there's Alaric. Poor Alaric has been through his own hell, having his body abducted by Klaus and then watching Jenna turn into a vampire and subsequently be killed. I guess we should all be used to the supernatural happenings in our lives that come and go so quickly that they leave our heads reeling, but all of the recent events are too much for me. Stefan leaving was the last straw. Even though I hate leaving Jeremy and my friends behind, I just can't stay in Mystic Falls right now. Damon is the only thing that takes my mind off the grief and pain anymore. And everyone seems ok with it because they've seen the change in Damon lately. He's different. I have no doubt that the darkness he battles still lies beneath the surface, that he's not done fighting the demons and quieting the predator that will always be inside of him. But I know that he's been trying so hard. He may never see himself as the hero or the good guy, but he has changed. I've seen it, and even if he were to fall off course, I know he'll always be there for me, and I want to do the same for him.

We leave town on a Sunday morning, the few bags I brought crammed into the back of his Camaro. The early summer sun is already beating into the leather seats, and we only go a few miles before turning on the air conditioning full blast. For the first hour, we don't talk. I sit quietly in the passenger seat, feet flat on the floor, hands folded in my lap, staring straight ahead. I keep expecting my nerves to overwhelm me and the universe to reprimand me for agreeing to this trip. There's no way this is safe or right. There are so many ways this could go wrong. But just as soon as those thoughts come, they fly from my mind. The only thing I really feel as we drive south away from Mystic Falls is pure freedom. I hadn't realized how nervous I'd been and how I was walking on eggshells, trying not to offend anyone. Because if I'm really being honest with myself, a large part of why I haven't pursued anything more with Damon is fear. Every day that we sat together in silence, I wanted to reach out and hold his hand, to feel his warmth. Every time we stood in front of each other to say goodnight, I wanted to stretch up on my toes and press my lips to his. I almost asked him to hold me once or twice, just to know the comfort of it, but I always felt in the back of my mind like my friends would freak out if they thought my feelings were catching up to his, which is such a stupid reason to deny myself what I want. But now, here we are, going away together, and they're all ok with it. Still, even though our friends agreed that this trip could be a good thing, I had been so sure that the ever-present sense of guilt and shame would appear and break through the peace. Apparently, I had been wrong, but that doesn't stop me from breathing a little deeper and savoring the freedom I'm feeling.

Once I realize that the anxiety and nerves won't come after me, I relax and tuck my legs beneath my body and roll down the window to stick my arm out, eyes closed and hair whipping around my face. It's something I've loved doing since I was a little girl. I breathe a little deeper, even though with every breath, the open window sucks the air away from me. I lean my head back against the seat and smile at the way it makes me feel. Like a woman, fully alive and fiercely wild. Flying and able to do anything I set my mind to, unafraid of the world. And still, like a child, redeemed to the awestruck, star-chasing, little girl I used to be. It's wonderful, to feel these versions of myself that I thought were buried away forever. But here they are, rising up to the surface.

"Enjoying yourself?" Damon's voice slides its way into my daydreams, not an interruption but a welcome addition. It's tender, and I wonder if he had felt the same fear that I was feeling only moments ago. I hear a softness in his tone that makes me turn and meet his eyes. When I do, he's giving me a gentle smile, and I know that he can taste the freedom in the air like I can. I pull my arm inside and shift to turn and face him, curling up with my arms wrapped around my knees, hugging them to my chest.

"Yeah," I say through my own smile. "I'm already glad we're on this trip."

"Well, good. I was hoping you would be. Where do you want to go first?"

"Wait, I thought this was your trip," I laugh. He's already gone off course. Typical. "Why are you asking me?"

"Courtesy," he smirks. "I do have plans for us, but I'm more than happy to accommodate you and your desires, being the gentleman that I am." Cocky.

"Well…" It seems like an impossible question to answer only because there are so many possibilities. I haven't spent much time outside of Mystic Falls. The obvious places come to mind, New York and Los Angeles, but I want something more personal to start with. After a moment, I come up with an idea that I'm excited about. "I want to see places that are important to you," I tell him. "The places you've lived, your history."

I watch as doubt flickers across his face. My words have completely caught him off guard, and it's written all over his face. I feel compelled to clarify. "Sometimes, I just feel like I know so much and so little about you all at the same time," I explain. "I know you now. Who you are. Who you're becoming. But I don't know anything about your history, except for what revolves around Katherine. Where you came from. What you love. What you would do if you weren't stuck in Mystic Falls saving my life every five minutes. I want to start things over between us and that starts with finding out more about you."

If he was caught off guard before, he's completely knocked over by this confession. He's just staring ahead, and his mouth is hanging open in surprise. Poor Damon. He's never let himself believe that anyone could care for him or want to know his heart. At some point he might have, but he's been passed over too many times before. By Katherine. By Stefan. And by me. My heart hurts to think that I've done the same to him that Katherine has. I want to tell him I'm sorry, but he quickly regains his composure and sets his face, and I instantly miss the more vulnerable side of him.

"Starting over, huh?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me and smirks so I know I can't take anything he says after that seriously. "Does that mean you're finally starting to trust me?"

I sigh, "Damon, you know that I trust you and that I have for a long time." I sit up and reach out to rest my hand on the bare skin of his arm. "Look at how many times you've saved my life. I can't help but trust you. With Stefan gone, some days it feels like you're all I have."

His demeanor changes and his features harden slightly, and I pull my hand away, "You know, you had me before Stefan was gone. I don't have to just be a rebound for you," he scowls, and I know I said the wrong thing.

"No, Damon, it's not like that at all. You're not a rebound-"

"Of course," he snaps. "Because you'll never feel that way about me. Even with Stefan gone, you can't let go enough to admit that there's something between us. God, how stupid was I to think that you would change your mind."

"No! Damon, I know." I put my hand back on his arm. "I know there's something between us."

"An understanding?" he says with humor and malice all at once, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"No, not an understanding," I roll my eyes at him. He would throw that back in my face, even now. I look him in the eyes, having to remind myself that his vampire instincts will keep the car from careening off the road while I make my speech. If there's one thing I need him to understand right now, it's this, "Listen to me. I do care about you. I don't know how to start from here, but I know that you're not a rebound. I don't need someone to fuss about me and distract me from the realities of life. I someone who cares about me. Someone who will take care of me. Someone I trust, who really knows me and loves me. And I know that that person is you, and it's always been you. You've always been there for me. I need you. I just don't know what that looks like from here on out, but that's a huge part of why I agreed to this trip. You know me so well, and I just want to do the same for you. I want to know your heart. I want to try for...something more. Do you trust me?"

He stares ahead without answering for a moment. I know I haven't been very fair to him over the last couple of years. I've led him on and pulled away from him. I've given him hope and then shattered his heart. I don't deserve his love. I want to be with him, and my feelings for him get stronger every day. I just have to trust that it's not too late for me to be admitting all of this to him.

His eyes are on the road again. "Damon," I whisper, "I'm sorry for the way I've treated you." I pause when my voice starts to break from the emotions that threaten to spill out, and I take a deep breath. "I'm so sorry for putting you through everything." I close my eyes and shake my head to clear it. When I do, a few strays tears escape and slide down my cheeks. I lift my eyes, wishing it didn't feel like he was shutting me out right now. "I've been so selfish. I don't deserve you," he whips his head to lock eyes with me, confusion and surprise in his face, though I can't pinpoint why, "but I would love to have a fresh start with you. Can you forgive me?" I let out a shaky breath, and wipe my eyes. I'm embarrassed, not only for this emotional outpour but also for the way I've treated him. Why he ever fought so hard to keep me alive is beyond me at the moment.

He takes a deep breath, and I wonder if it's really this difficult for him to make the decision to forgive me or if he's just playing with me. When he finally meets my eyes again, I can see that there was a real struggle happening in his head. He's always so strong and guarded that I find myself forgetting how painful it can be for him to share pieces of himself, even with me.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, his voice cuts through the silence that sits heavy in the space between us. "Of course," he sighs. "Of course I forgive you," and just like that, the heaviness is gone from his voice. He really does love me, forgiving everything at the drop of a hat. "This trip will be good for us. No distractions, no one else's opinions, just us. I'm sorry for getting frustrated. Sometimes I forget how young you are and how quickly you were thrown into this supernatural life. There's no way you could have known how wrong you would be choosing Stefan over me," he says with a wink. Thankful to be back on good terms with him so soon, I let out a small giggle.

He quickly gets back on topic, "So where are we going first?"

"I actually think I know the perfect place," I say with a smile. "Last time we went, the circumstances weren't right because I wasn't sure I could trust you, but I think the time is right now. What do you think?"

He smiles, throws his head back, and belts out with a surprisingly smooth voice, "Ohh Georgia, lead me through your heartlands. I need to see them one more time before I'm gone."

I let out a laugh that rises up and spills out the joy bubbling up inside of me and put my arm back out the window, letting the summer air flow through my fingers.


	3. Chapter 3

Halfway through the day, we stop in Charlotte. We pull into the city in the heat of the afternoon, ready for a chance to stretch our legs. I spend most of the trip laughing with Damon and asking him the absolute most basic questions I can think of. Favorite color. Green. Favorite food when he was human. Pasta, obviously. Favorite childhood game. Cops and robbers. I ask him about all of the favorites, and he plays along very well. I find myself amazed that we're able to laugh and joke like our lives are totally normal and one of us isn't undead. It's been so long since I've laughed this much at one time. I'm still giggling at him when we park and head out to find a restaurant on the street so that I can eat lunch. We stumble out of the parking garage and onto the sidewalk, and I link my arm in his when I lose my balance. "Have you been here before?" I ask, using the city as excuse to learn more about him.

"Once," he says, "many years ago. When I first turned and was trying to find a place in my new life. I traveled all over the east coast looking for a new home, spending a few short years in each place. Drinking, exploring, mingling with the wrong people. I was searching for a release, but I could never quite put my finger on it. I jumped off a couple buildings here, trying to find out how invincible I really was. Of course, none of those buildings exist anymore."

I stop short on the sidewalk and let my arm slide out of his as he keeps walking. "You tried to kill yourself?" My words bring forth images in my mind of Damon wandering around, begging for release from an unwanted life. Damon being alone and unsure in this world, looking for a way out. With me, he's always been overtly confident, cocky and sure of himself. I can't even pretend to imagine the pain he felt. He stops and turns to face me, watching me process this. "Damon, I'm so sorry," I practically whisper. It's all I can manage, and tears fill my eyes as I look into his.

Even though he revealed it in such a nonchalant way, he can see that I'm upset, which now seems utterly selfish to me since this conversation is about him and his struggle. Even though I'm sure he doesn't feel that way anymore, I hate that he was ever in so much pain and completely alone. He walks back to stand in front of me and looks down at me, my sympathy and concern reflected in his eyes. "This vampire life isn't exactly a walk in the park, kid. You've seen firsthand how our nature can overtake us and drive us to a place no one would choose for themselves." He's sincere but gentle. Not hiding the truth from me but not being harsh about it either. And I know he's right, but I can't get past the pressure in my chest when I think about him being so desperate, so alone. I try to push past it, "So what made you want to live again?"

"I'm not sure," he admits with a shrug. "It's been so long. Maybe I turned my emotions off. Maybe my love for Katherine is really what kept me going. Or I was holding out hope for something better. Maybe I realized that I was just too damn good looking to let the world go on without me," he finishes with a smile. I both hate and love how he can't stay serious for more than a minute.

I give a weak smile and look down, hoping he didn't see the jealousy in my eyes when he mentioned Katherine. She's never done anything to help anyone besides herself. I frown at the thought of him putting his hope in her.

He sees it and tries to reassure me, thinking I'm still upset about his suicide attempts. He dips his head to try and get me to meet his eyes again. "There are good parts, you know. There are people that choose this life. If you can calm the predator desire, it changes everything." When I refuse to look up, he crooks his finger under my chin, gently asking me without words to look at him. "Colors are brighter. Sounds are clearer," he's grinning now, like he's telling me some special secret. And I guess he is. "Strength, freedom, speed, a constant sense of adventure and expectation. All of that is a part of this life, too. There is a wildness that goes beyond the hunt. You can run forever and not slow down. It's not always a curse," he says with a soft smile.

All of the perks of vampirism he lists remind me of something I often think about. "You know, sometimes when I daydream and think about being really happy, I picture myself running." I close my eyes and visualize it now because it never fails to lift me up a little bit. "Running free and wild through an open field. Running like nothing matters and nothing bad will ever catch me. It makes me feel so alive and full, like I could float." I take a huge breath, gulping in the summer air, letting my shoulders and chest lift dramatically. When I let it out, I open my eyes and look up at him, and he's standing there with his hands at his sides, looking at me with an emotion in his eyes that I can't place. He almost looks sad. "It's not always a curse," he repeats.

Suddenly I feel like there's more meaning behind his words than what's on the surface. It makes me uncomfortable, and I get the feeling he's suggesting something much more serious than my acceptance of his lifestyle.

I chuckle nervously and lower my eyes again, taking a small step backward, "If we keep talking like this, I might have to start watching my back. I don't want you to turn me in my sleep."

He gives a short laugh and turns, extending his elbow to me. I link my arm in his again, and we continue walking, our moment of sharing over.

I put on a smile, but to be honest, I'm thrown off, unsure of what just happened. Does Damon want me to become a vampire? I had made it clear to Stefan that I didn't want that for myself, but Damon and I had never even really spoken about it. I've always know it wasn't an option for me. My dreams have always included kids, a family, a human husband. Not having to keep secrets or watch over my shoulder for a supernatural enemy. Even in my relationship with Stefan, when I pictured a future with him, I knew I would never be a vampire. Granted, I didn't fully understand the logistics of growing old with someone who would never age, but I knew our love would make it. Or I thought. But the kids, the family, the white picket fence...hadn't I felt that dream fade ever since my parents died? The girl I was then is vastly different from who I am now. Could my dreams and wishes for the future have changed without me realizing it? It's all I can think about for the rest of the day. I feel guilty for being distracted, but Damon doesn't seem to mind. We just fall back into the pattern of our life in Mystic Falls, sitting in silence together. Each of us only needing to know that the other is there.

We decide to stay in Charlotte for the night and get some rest. Even though he was joking earlier, Damon truly is a gentleman. He offers to pay for (or compel) 2 separate rooms for us, but I'm fine sharing a room. Damon is the person I trust the most right now. Besides, sharing a room with him is the least of my worries.

I settle into my bed and think about what the next few months will be like. I can't deny the happiness in my heart at the end of this first day. Even though Damon's confession was painful to hear, I feel closer to him because of it. And even though his covert suggestion about me becoming a vampire completely threw me off, I can't deny that it's somewhat enticing. That daydream I have of running through a field, it's always been a magical getaway for me. And thinking that one day it could be my reality, that I could run and be free and fast and strong all the time...it's a lot to consider. There's no way I'm going to make the decision anytime soon, but I'm glad I have Damon with me. I really do need him, I wasn't just saying that earlier to get him to forgive me. He's changed me in so many ways, and I'm grateful he hadn't given up all those years ago, even if it might have been thanks to Katherine.

I settle under the covers, staying close to the side of the bed where the nightstand is, so that I'm closer to him. Only a small stretch of carpet separates our beds, and I could reach out and touch his face if I wanted to. He sits on the edge of his bed, looking over a map he picked up in the lobby.

"Damon?" I mumble, my voice already heavy with sleep, my eyes starting to drift shut.

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you're still alive. That you chose to fight through whatever pain you felt. Even when you were all alone. I'm glad you still had hope."

He doesn't answer right away, and I look up at him to make sure I didn't cross some sort of line. I'm not sure if I expect him to look sad or pained or angry, but he's just there. That "Damon" smirk on his face. He leans over and kisses the top of my head before settling into his bed.

"Me, too"


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, we make our way down to Georgia, heading straight into Atlanta. I've never lived in a big city or even visited many, so I want to see what it has to offer. We walk around downtown, stopping at different parks and fountains, taking our time in the summer heat. It's nice being here with Damon, but I have a lot on my mind after yesterday. I don't ask any questions this time, and he doesn't offer any information on the city or his history here, though I'm sure there's a lot.

We find a spot for lunch, and he watches me eat, studying my face. I'm sure he can tell our conversation yesterday got to me, though I would bet him money he couldn't guess the direction of my thoughts. Regardless, he seems worried. "You okay?" he eventually asks, his concern and curiosity winning out. I look up from my plate and try to reassure him with a smile. I want to talk to him about what I'm thinking, but I'm not sure how he'll respond. So I brush it off. "Yeah, I'm fine," I say. "Atlanta is great." He smiles back and doesn't ask again.

After lunch, we walk through a flea market set up on a side street, and I pick out a pale green t-shirt for him. It's simple, short-sleeved, not too bright. It's almost more grey than green but it falls under the category of mildly colorful, and I can't help but smile widely when I return from the restroom to find him with the new shirt on. "That shirt looks great on you, Damon," I say, shamelessly letting my eyes roam over his chest and arms. There's no denying that he is near physical perfection, all chiseled muscles and smooth skin. I've spent months not letting myself look at him like this, but apparently I've forgotten all my manners and right now, I don't care about anything other than how it feels to soak him in. And he doesn't seem to mind, though his eyes widen in what I assume is surprise. He smirks but doesn't say anything. We walk on, and I realize I'm happy. Right here, right now. And it's because of him. So when we sit and rest along a low stone wall by a fountain for a moment, I finally work up the courage to ask the question I've been wanting to ask all day. I'm not sure that I want to hear his answer no matter what it is, but I have to know. And I trust him. I keep my eyes on my hands folded in my lap when I finally get the words out, "Do you think I'd make a good vampire, Damon?"

If he was drinking something he would have done a spit take. He sputters out a laugh and then covers his mouth right away. I quickly turn away from him, and I'm horrified to find my eyes filling with tears. Dammit. I used to cry only when something awful happened, like a death, a friend lost, a heartbreaking decision, but lately I've found myself more sensitive around Damon, and I don't like it. I don't want him to think that I'm weak, even though I know I am. Of course he thinks I'd make a terrible vampire. All I've ever done is make myself an easy target for supernatural beings much stronger than myself. I'd probably be the weakest vampire that ever existed. It was ridiculous of me to even think of maybe possibly one day wanting to be like him. So stupid…

"Elena," he tries to coax me back to him. But he still has a smile in his voice, so I don't turn to look at him. He touches my shoulder, but I won't budge. "That's what you've been worrying about all day?" he asks. Now I'm even more embarrassed because it's apparently stupid to worry about changing your genetic makeup to become an immortal being. Same as choosing what's for breakfast, right? I ignore him, but he goes on, "I thought you were having second thoughts about this trip. Or about me and how you feel...or might feel. I was afraid you were getting ready to jump ship." I forget about my embarrassment for a second, upset that he thought I would change my mind so quickly, but it's not enough to get me to cave in. When I don't respond, he rises and moves around to sit on my other side so that he's facing me again, but I keep my eyes down. "Elena," he says, much more tenderly than before. "I need you to listen very carefully to what I'm about to tell you because I mean every word." He raises a hand to touch my cheek and lifts my face so that I finally meet his eyes again. He swipes at a runaway tear with his thumb before he goes on. "Listen. You would make the most radiant, fearsome, glorious vampire the world has ever seen. But I don't want you to think for one second that I would try to manipulate you into becoming one. Or that I will ever stop protecting you if you stay human." He smirks, "If you never turn, I will guard your life even when you're 95 and can't remember who I am anymore." I concede a small smile, to show him I believe him, and he keeps going, "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, and I would never want you to change out of fear or guilt or obligation. I promise you, I will do everything I can to make sure you only become a vampire if you absolutely want to. For yourself. No other reason."

With his words, tears have started carving tracks down my cheeks. "Damon, I'm afraid," I whisper. His brow creases with worry and confusion. In this sunny city, in this context, there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Both of his hands frame my face now, and he looks into my eyes with so much sincerity and concern and care that I have to close mine. It's too much, too true, and I would rather feel that sweetness under different circumstances. His voice is strong but quiet, asking me to be open without pushing me too hard, "What are you afraid of, Elena?"

I take a deep breath and try to gather my thoughts before I answer. When I think I can speak honestly, I tell him all of the fears running through my head. All of the doubt and worry pours from my mouth before I can stop it or filter it, my eyes still closed as if to shut everything else out, "I'm afraid of wanting this. I'm afraid of what Caroline and Bonnie and Jeremy would think if I ever made the decision to change. I'm afraid that my parents would roll over in their graves if they knew what I was thinking right now. I'm afraid of becoming a predator for the rest of eternity, but I'm more afraid of being weak and vulnerable for the rest of my mortal life. I want to be free and strong and brave, but I'm just afraid."

When I think I've said all I need to, I open my eyes and find him still looking at me with all of that love. And I realize I'm not finished, "It's not just the vampire thing. I'm afraid of this," I lift my hands to his and pull them from my skin, missing the contact but needing to get this right. I hold his hands in mine and look down at them for a minute, trying to piece together the things I want to say to him. When I look back up at him, he's patiently waiting for me to find my words. "I'm afraid of what I'm feeling for you and how it's all changing. And I believe you when you say you'd protect me forever, but I guess a part of me is still scared you could change your mind. If I become a vampire, what if it changes the way you see me or want me. What if it changes who I am?"

He drops my hands and pulls me into him, hugging me tightly, one of his arms around my shoulders, one hand resting in his lap, holding my hand safely. My head rests in the crook of his neck, and I breathe in his warmth and try and push out fear with each breath. I know I'm safe with him. That's all I know right now.

His lips brush my hair, and I hear him murmur, "Nothing could change the way I feel about you...nothing." The sincerity in his voice brings the tears back but I don't let them fall. "You are the strongest person I know, Elena Gilbert," he whispers. And for a second, the horrifying list of things I've lived through flashes through my mind. The death, betrayal, heartbreak, loss, suffering, pain, all of it. All of those things happened to me, and I'm still alive. He says I'm strong, and for at least a moment, I believe him. So with that, I lift my head and press my lips to his cheekbone, breathing him in again, drawing the strength I need to stand and keep moving. "Thank you," I whisper against his cheek. He stays so still that I wonder what he's thinking. I decide not to worry about it. Instead, I stand and brush the remaining tears from my face. He stands with me, and we set back out into the city.

* * *

The mood is much lighter for the rest of the day, and I'm thankful for the reprieve from the heaviness. We wind through streets, falling back into a pattern of laughter and teasing. I love every minute, and I'm caught by surprise when the sun starts to sink lower in the sky and he pulls me back to the car. "I don't understand, why are we leaving so soon?"

"I have something to show you," he says vaguely, not letting go of my arm. "I think you're going to love it."

I smile, knowing he's probably right. We get back into his car and head out of the city quickly, the landscape getting greener as we rush by, the city turning into suburbs, then into patches of forest, then we're trailing through a winding road of a large park, passing small lakes and picnic areas. Eventually I see it looming in front of us, the smooth dome of a mountain, with trees spattered around the bottom but smooth on top. And as we pull in, figures on their horses loom over us, carved into the smooth face of rock. It's enormous, and it's not what I expected. "What is this?"

"Stone Mountain," he says with a small smile. He looks at me, trying to gauge my reaction. When it's pretty clear I have no idea what it means or why we're here, he shrugs and explains, "It's kind of cheesy, but they put on a pretty amazing laser show here against the mountain. If you want, I thought we could camp out here for the night."

"Wow, Damon. I have to say, I'm impressed. Two days into the trip and you've already got some master plan going." I really can't believe he put this together. It does seem a little cheesy, especially for him, but he was right when he guessed that I would love it.

"Oh, just you wait," he smirks at me.

We pull into the park and quickly find a space to set up a blanket and picnic he managed to put together. I'm not exactly sure how he did it, considering we've been together for two days and haven't been apart for more than ten minutes. Still, I wouldn't put anything past him. He's cunning, plus he has the advantage of compulsion and vamp speed.

After we set up our spot, he asks if I want to walk around a bit before the show starts. The dusk air is warm and fresh, and it feels so good just to be outside, walking around without any worries or enemies for once. We make our way through families talking and kids playing tag, sidestepping blankets and crawling babies. It's weird to experience a scene so normal when the past few years of our lives have been anything but. And to be here with just Damon. Not Stefan, Caroline, Jeremy, or anyone else. I honestly don't know if I would enjoy this more with anyone else. Being here with Damon seems pretty perfect to me. We move slowly, the crowd getting thicker as we walk, and soon there are people all around me.

Out of nowhere, a soccer ball shoots across my feet and I trip over it, slamming into a man walking in front of me. Instinctively, I reach out and grab his arm for stability, but he whips around and pins me with a look of rage and I immediately snatch my hand back.

"What the fuck?!"

Damon is beside me in a heartbeat, angling his body so that he is in between me and the man. He supports my arm and gives me a quick once over, trying to make sure I'm not hurt. I swallow and give him a small nod. Once I do, he straightens up and turns to block me from the stranger, but I crane my neck to see over his shoulder and choke out an apology, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I tripped." I'm completely embarrassed, "I shouldn't have done that. I'm really sorry."

"Stupid kid. Get the hell out of the way!" He practically spits at me.

Damon steps completely in front of me, outwardly seeming unfazed by this guy yelling in my face, but I know he's getting angry. Still, he tries to stay calm, and he puts his hands up, palms out, trying to remain passive. "Ok, ok. Isn't this a little over the top? She tripped, she apologized, we're moving along."

"Look, I don't give a shit if your girlfriend meant to or not, I don't like people in my space!" The guy is practically screaming now. I can't understand why it's such a big deal, and I really don't want it this to escalate any further. Damon, however, has other ideas, and he grabs the guy by the collar and lifts him a few inches off the ground, getting in his face. I move around to Damon's side, trying to diffuse him and stop him from doing something stupid. I see the ripple of veins under his eyes and know that he is dangerously close to doing exactly that. I glance around us to see how much attention he's drawing, but thankfully for the most part, the chaos of the crowd is masking the exchange. The guy looks terrified now, and I know Damon has made his point. I also know that Damon likes to be very sure that his point has been made, and he won't back down yet.

"Look," he says, his voice barely under control, anger pulsing through him so thick I can almost feel it through his skin. "I'm sure that on a good day, you're a nice guy. For whatever reason, you don't seem to understand what I said." The tone of his voice shifts, and I know he's using compulsion now. "This is over. You're going to calm down, walk away, and forget that this ever happened. Understand?"

"Sure," he repeats. "I'm going to walk away." His eyes are glazed and vacant. As much as I wanted to diffuse this, I hate seeing people compelled. I can't stand the thought of their free will being taken away, and I hate the zombie state that they're left in. Still, he really did look like he wanted to kill me.

Damon sets the guy's feet firmly on the ground and brushes off his shoulders, smiling the way he does after he's gotten what he wants. "Great. Thanks. Have a nice night," he says. His words are short and his eyes are cold, and I know he's not happy.

It's dark now as we walk back to our blanket and sit down, both of us still a little on edge. I glance at him, trying to decide if I'm mad or upset or grateful. I wish he wouldn't have compelled the man, but I also wish he wouldn't have had to in the first place. The whole situation has thrown me off, and I feel a weight sinking back around us like this morning.

I have no idea what Damon is thinking right now. "Damon?" I ask softly, like he's an animal that might startle and attack. "Are you ok?"

He shakes his head quickly, like he's trying to clear his mind, but he doesn't look at me. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry, I'm just a little on edge. I shouldn't have been rough with him like that." As he turns away from me, I hear him mumble something that sounds like it includes the word "hungry" and it hits me. "Wait, Damon, when's the last time you fed?" I honestly didn't even think about his hunger and how it would affect our trip, I've been so wrapped up in my own thoughts and worries. When Damon's on good behavior, I can almost convince myself that he's not the predator he really is.

"I'm fine," he deflects. "Is your ankle ok? It looked like you rolled it on that soccer ball. Do you need me to go get you some ice?"

"Damon," I say his name quietly but forcefully, trying to get his attention. He turns his head back in my direction but won't really look at me. "What's your plan here?" I ask. "When are you going to eat? _What_ are you going to eat?" I ask with more emphasis, since this is actually the question I'm more worried about the answer to. "You can't go this whole trip without feeding."

He won't meet my eyes, but I don't understand what he has to be ashamed about. We both know he needs to eat, and I'm more than used to seeing the empty blood bags from the hospital laying around the boarding house. Even though I love when he leaves his vampire nature behind, I never expect him to be anything but himself. Not after all this time. I thought he knew that. And I certainly don't need him to starve himself for my sake. "You don't need to hide that part of yourself from me, you know," is all I can manage to say.

After a long moment, he answers quietly, "I was going to figure it out later, when the time came. I don't want you to have to think or worry about what I'm going to do, if I'm going to kill someone while we're on the road."

"You mean the way you looked like you wanted to kill that guy?"

"Well...he was just being an ass," he smiles just a little. "If I killed him, it wouldn't have been because of hunger."

I laugh, rolling my eyes. He spends his days teetering back and forth between predator and protector. It's amazing he doesn't have permanent whiplash. I'm grateful he was there for me. As usual. "Thank you for defending me. I don't even understand why he was so mad."

"He was a jerk, don't worry about it." He smirks and turns to point behind me, "Now let's enjoy the show."

I follow his direction and gasp. There are huge pictures and designs on the face of the rock before me, neon lasers carving across the mountain. I hadn't even realized the show was starting. It is a little childish, but it's also surreally beautiful. I spend the next hour forgetting everything around me except the story being told on the side of a mountain and the warmth spreading through me as I lean back into Damon, his arms wrapped around my body, always protecting me.


	5. Chapter 5

When the light show is over, we find a place within the park to camp out. He lights a fire, sets out a lantern to give us some light, and starts to work. Once again, he surprises me by having everything we need, including a tent, sleeping bags, and even bug spray, which is both ironic and thoughtful of him. He could catch a bug out of the air with his bare hand, and I doubt he even attracts mosquitos. I watch him work, and for some reason he's going at human speed. He looks like he knows exactly what he's doing, though it's hard to picture Damon camping. He's always seemed more like a 5-star hotel kind of guy to me. His hands are strong and capable as he constructs the tent, and I really just don't feel guilty for sitting on the ground just watching him move.

The entire time, I can't stop thinking about how hungry and on edge he must be and how we're going to find him some blood. There aren't many options while we're on the road. I don't know how practical it is for him to rob blood banks and leave a trail behind us as we travel. I'd offer my own neck to him, but I know he'd never accept. I don't necessarily want him to find some unsuspecting camper or pedestrian for his next meal, but I feel so guilty. It just feels like he's choosing not feed because of me and how I might react. I've never seen him deny himself like this.

He snaps me out of my thoughts when he asks me to check everything out and make sure I'll be comfortable. I try to give him an answer about the tent and the fire and how great it is, but I just can't let this go. I open my mouth and nothing comes out, so I look away from the campsite, ignoring his question, and stand to move closer to him, trying to gauge him. I wonder how he hides everything so well. His hunger, his pain, his uncertainty. We've only been out of Mystic Falls for two days, and I already feel like knowing him is brand new. All these things he's kept hidden. Now, I look at his face and try and read what's underneath without much success. He's closed off, unyielding. "Damon, don't hide from me," I start. "Let me help you. There has to be something I can do."

"Like what, Elena?" His voice is quiet but harsh. It's obvious he can't stop thinking about it either. "How can you help me? Do you expect me to drink from you?" He asks, taking a step back, as if speaking it out loud might make it happen. "Or do you want to help me track down a wayward hiker and let me feed off of them? What do you suggest?" He's on edge, and I can't help thinking with a bitter laugh that I got what I wanted: unguarded Damon. This small burst of anger is more emotion than I've seen from him in months. I'm not afraid, but it all feels unnecessarily stressful. I just want him to do what he needs to do to live.

"If drinking from me is the best solution right now, then yes, here, take it from me," I suggest, offering my wrist to him, the veins showing underneath the delicate skin there . I know that being bitten by a vampire hurts like hell, but this is Damon. I have to try and help him, so I offer it up.

I can see a struggle in his eyes for a brief second before he laughs at me, "Right. Best solution. That will never be the best, and you know it." He looks mad that I even suggested it.

I lower my arm and step towards him, hoping to quiet the moment, not wanting this to turn into an argument. I speak softly, "Damon, what's changed? You've never had a problem with feeding from people before. You've never hidden it from me or let yourself worry about it. And why would you? It's a part of your nature." I reach out and lightly touch his arm. I want him to know that I don't blame him for the way he is. I don't like it, but I know that it is what it is. "But why now? In the past you wouldn't have thought about how I felt, you would have already fed by now, even from me." I let my hand drift down his arm and mold my fingers to his. As our palms touch, it seems to stir something in him. He lifts my arm to look at my wrist and brings the skin to his lips. He looks like he changed his mind, and I brace myself, preparing for the puncture, but he just presses my wrist to his lips and holds it there. I watch his face, wondering what he's thinking. His eyes are closed and he's not breathing, just holding my wrist to his face. He's calm, and I'm not afraid. I hold my breath and count out a full minute in my head with his lips burning into my skin before he lowers my hand back to my side. I have no idea what's going through his head or why he would torture himself by letting my blood flow right under his nose without actually tasting it.

"Everything has changed," he sighs, not meeting my eyes. "My brother has become the thing you hate the most. The hunter. The killer. The thing I've always been known as. And I've spent months with you, watching you go from being in love with him to moving on. And trust me, I'm happy about that. But what am I supposed to do? Be another version of that and make you repeat history the way that he and I did? I don't think so." He finally looks at me again. "And if I'm all you have left, I have to at least _try_ to be better than that." I know it's not easy for him. He's never been the good guy, never been the one to make the sacrifice for others. He's probably never been asked to by anyone but me.

I don't remember ever saying out loud that I was moving on from Stefan, but I guess agreeing to this trip said it well enough. Still, even though he seems to know the truth, I wonder if he thinks I miss being with Stefan. I reach up and rest my palms against his face, mimicking the gentle motion he always uses with me. "I don't think of Stefan when I'm with you. I don't think of him at all. You should know that." And it's the truth. Damon has wiped my mind from the pain Stefan left behind, and not by compulsion. Being with Damon just makes me feel more free. "You make me happy," I say, lowering my hands. "Damon, you know that I hate the vampire nature. I hate that people I love feel the need to kill and hunt and feed. I hate it with every part of me. But you _know_ that I care about you. I know what you are, and I don't want you to hide it from me. I don't want you to be reckless, but I don't want you to weaken yourself for my sake. And even though stealing blood bags from the hospital doesn't involve directly causing someone physical pain, it's still immoral. It's still wrong. Who's to say if it's more wrong than drinking from someone directly? You have to eat one way or another.

"I won't tell you what to do, but if you need to find someone and feed from them without killing them or hurting them, I want you to do that. I don't want you to be hungry, and I don't want you to be on edge because you think you're protecting me."

I reach up and touch his cheek again. He looks down at me, and the struggle is so present, so evident in his eyes that it kills me. I know I've always asked him, directly or indirectly, to deny himself for me, and I've never realized how selfish I was and how generous he's been. Even before we were close, he made strides for my sake. Sure, there were times that he was an ass about it, times that he chose to be reckless to prove a point. And those times may come again, but now, I want him to do what he needs to. I close the small space between us and wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him close. "I'm sorry, Damon," I whisper, resting my head on his shoulder, holding on to him. "I'm sorry for the times I made you feel like you weren't good enough. For asking you to change yourself."

I stay like this until I feel him tentatively wrap his arms around my waist. He doesn't hold me too tightly, though I wish he would. But it's enough for now. He pulls back and looks at me, holding my shoulders. "Hey," he says softly. "No more of this. I thought we were getting a fresh start. Who we were, what we've done, it's in the past. We're together, here and now, starting over, and that's enough." He straightens up and gives me his smirk that I love, "I happen to be a handsome supernatural stud, and you are my lovely companion. Let's forget all the other crap and just keep moving on, huh?"

I sigh, letting the worry and guilt come off my shoulders. "Yeah. Let's get some sleep. You can eat in the morning and we can keep moving," I smile. "I'm excited to see what city you're taking me to next."

"Oh you're in for a treat," he says, walking back towards the tent. "Tomorrow we head further South. I hope you brought your bathing suits." He pauses, raising an eyebrow at me and looking me up and down, unashamedly excited at the idea of me wearing less clothing. "If not, I'd be happy to help you pick out a new one."

I laugh and push him away. He's a pig, but I'm grateful for him. From the day my life went over the Wickery Bridge, I've had to actually remind myself to have fun, let go, and enjoy my life. Damon reminds me with every crooked smirk and wiggled eyebrow, and I can't help but be happy with him. Before we go to sleep, he lays a blanket out by the fire, and he sits by me while I lay and gaze up at the stars. When he asks what I'm thinking, I debate lying. What I want from him most likely isn't something he's willing to agree to, so I don't see the point in mentioning it. But I really don't want to lie to him, especially not now, so when he asks again, I don't.

"What are you thinking, Len?"

I turn my head to look at him before answering, "Does a vampire bite always hurt?"

"What? Why are you thinking about that? We both know I would never feed from you."

"I know. But still. Does it always hurt?"

He pauses to think for a minute. Whether he's thinking about the answer or debating if he should even answer at all, I'm not sure. "No, not always."

"Really? Because every time Stefan took my blood, it hurt like hell," I say with a frown.

He sighs, and I'm afraid bringing up Stefan was the wrong thing to do. "I mean, he didn't do it for fun or anything. But there were times he really needed it. Or he wasn't himself. And it never felt good."

"Well, my baby brother has a propensity for losing his mind in situations involving blood. I'm not surprised he hurt you like that since he probably wasn't thinking straight. As vampires, we can have a certain influence on how the bite feels to a human. It can be incredibly painful, or it can be soft, with very little discomfort, depending on the biter. And of course there's the matter of blood sharing being incredibly personal."

"Blood sharing?"

"Yeah, literally, the giving and receiving of blood between two people, whether they're both vampires or not. It's very...sensual and personal. It's not taken lightly in our world."

"Oh…"

"It's not that every person I've taken blood from has a personal connection with me. But if I want, I can bond with someone by drinking their blood. The more it happens, the stronger the bond gets. I guess, in a way, continuous blood sharing over time ends up being like marriage for vampires. It's not something to take lightly."

Feeling weighed down by all of this new information, I stop asking questions and go back to staring up at the wide open sky, stars scattered across the inky black. I was originally thinking of asking him to feed from me, to help him. But now I'm not sure. It's obviously more complicated than I realized, so I just let it go for now. I stare at the sky until my eyes start to burn and my eyelids feel like lead weights. After my eyes drift shut, I feel him gently scoop me off the ground and tuck me into my sleeping bag. I feel him brush the hair from my face, and it's so tender and soft. My heart swells, and I make a mental note to hug him again tomorrow, to find any reason to. He's so much better with a little love in his life.

* * *

**Kind of stupid side note. I like the thought of shortening a name as a nickname, but I don't really care for the 'Lena version of it that a lot of people use. So I wanted something different but had to debate a lot on how to use it. Using "Len" is tricky because keeping both the spelling and the sound of the name Elena true doesn't work together. So when I use "Len" I hear "lane" or "layne" rather than "len." I just wanted to throw that out there in case anyone is reading and thinks that nickname is dumb.**


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